Hubby has no more tail. I accidentally cut his tail way too short just now and it does not curl anymore. So I just trimmed the whole thing off. No worries though coz his hair grow very fast and in no time he will have his tail back.

I didn’t know what’s wrong with me today. Instead of using No. 8 to trim his top hair, I used No.6. So this time around his hair is shorter than usual. In a way, good also lar, dunno when can I trim his hair again because in a few days time or week, we will be welcoming our 4th child.

p/s: I remembered I posted his curly tail before but when I search, I just couldn’t find the post; dunno in which blog!

Yup! We got ourselves a fulltime staff; a Malay girl with a Diploma in Graphic Design and has experienced working in an internet cafe during her schooling days. We know for sure that she won’t be long with us. She has a Diploma for goodness sake! As long as she will be around when I give birth and during my confinement month, that would be good enough.

My 4th child is coming into the world real soon. Honestly, until this day, I do not know my feeling towards him. Actually, I did not expected him to come into our life that soon. Yup, an unplanned pregnancy; all my other 3 are unplanned too.

For almost 3 years, I have set up my mind that my son will be my youngest and I love him to bits. I pampered him as my youngest. Now his place will be taken over by this 4th baby. I actually feel sad for my son. Will he be neglected? Will he feel neglected?

But then, come to think of it, when I found out that I was pregnant with my 3rd, I didn’t want it! But when he came out from my tummy, I won’t trade anything in the world for him; maybe he is a boy, the son that we have been longing for.

I really hope that I will have the capacity to love my son the same and yet at the same time love my 4th as the youngest. I hope that the bonding will come the moment I breastfeed him. There won’t be any new baby bedding because I always co-sleep with all my children. Easier to breastfeed that way.

I am feeling very down today and this song keep coming back to me…

I kept asking God…”Why Me? Why Us? Why? Why? Why?”

I hate being me right now.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

As the day approaches, I have trouble sleeping during the night even though I did not nap in the afternoon; from 2am to 2.30am and now 3.30am. Even if I have the sleep number bed, I doubt I can sleep because baby in my tummy is very active after the clock strikes 12. He kicks, he stretches and he pushes. It is no longer that nice feeling anymore.

Besides baby, my almost 3yo son is getting more clingy to me; waking up almost every night looking for me if I didn’t sleep with him. He even told my mom that she can take the baby after he comes out! Looks like he is still not ready to give up his position as the youngest in the family.

Last week we had a candidate to work for our internet cafe and hubby offered him the job. He is supposed to start work today. Unfortunately, he did not turn up and is already in another state looking for other jobs. Looks like he is not meant for us then.

Today, a lady and also our customer asking whether she can fill in the vacancy. We are not too keen because lady won’t want to work until midnight and it is not safe for her too. If we have no other guy applicant, we might just employ her for the morning shift and still keep our part-time for the night shift which will only be for one week a month. 3 other weeks, hubby will have to work the night shift.

However, this is not what we desire because hubby wants to be home by evening time so that he can spend more time for the family, especially his children who are growing up very fast.

I have more or less 3 more weeks to go before No.4 comes into our life. We really hope and pray that God will bless us with a guy full time staff before I give birth.

Most of hubby’s customer, those who have not seen me before thought that hubby is a Malay. Whenever hubby works the evening shift, I will come in to release him for a lil while for him to freshen up.

A few times when they come to the counter to borrow the compact flash memory card, they will asked whether I am a Chinese and whether hubby is a Chinese too.

Some assumes that I am hubby’s part-time worker’s wife.

If hubby’s part-time worker wife comes to the shop, I am sure they will think that she is hubby’s wife because he married an Indonesian lady!

I am pregnant and it is definitely not a good time to fall sick. I can’t take any medicine except nutritional health supplements to help cure this sickness.

I hope I can turn back time and stop hubby from breaking the floor of the maid’s room till after I give birth. Due to it, dust is flying all over the house and this is the reason that I am down with runny nose now. I am super allergic to dust.

Where will you be in the next 5 years? To some, the answer is easy and straight-forward. However, to me, the answer is not that straight-forward. I am not sure where I will be in the next five years down the road. “Aren’t you going to stay where you are and build up your family?” you may ask me. I will answer, “Most probably no”.

You see, when I first get to know my hubby, we know that we might be called to go somewhere else to serve God. As such, hubby quit his job as a lawyer and served in the church for seven years. After the seven years, he decided that it is best for him to move out from the church and do business before the next stage of our lives. We give ourselves four years for the business and now it is already in the third year. We are preparing ourselves and our family to be ready to go wherever God wants us to go. I must say, we are not doing pretty well in preparing ourselves for the ministry.

Business really takes a lot of hubby’s time and he is finding it difficult to be involved in the church that we are attending. Furthermore, with the fourth baby coming soon, things would definitely change. I know that when God calls us to move, we might have to hire a Moving Company to bring all our stuffs to the new place. When, I am not really sure. Will God calls us to move? That is His prerogative. When the Master instructs, the servants obey.

Where will I be in the next 5 years? Only God knows but for now, I am staying put.

I love to take pictures. Okay, maybe not true. I like to take pictures. While I was still studying a decade ago, digital camera is rare and expensive. Back then you would have to use the SLR camera using the roll film. Usually one roll can take about 36 snapshots and then you send them to the photo shop to have them develop into hardcopies. I make sure that I keep the pictures in a safe place.

Now looking back at the old pictures, I can still remember what I did. It brings back good old memories.
Now that I have a digital camera, I would happily take snapshots and upload it to my computer. The problem is that I do not have the hardcopy of the pictures. It is all in softcopy, which unfortunately is very easy to get lost or deleted.

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I thank God that he placed me in a village to grow up and live my life now. Not only that the cost of living is lower compared to those who live in town, I get to breathe clean air and see greens all around me.

I may not have hostas growing in my compound but I am blessed with fruit trees and other plants. Just now, I sat on the swing with my son and enjoy the smell of budding durian flowers. God’s creation is wonderful.

What we did not do was going for Satay Celup dinner because it was raining quite heavily and this wife doesn’t want to get wet walking from the car park to the restaurant. Well, when it is raining, you tend to run to get out of it and I can’t do that anymore with my 8 months tummy.

So I picked a place where there is sheltered car park. We ended up at MBO cinema watching The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Our dinner was a quick bite of Fish and Chips at Marry Brown. By the way, we did not park at the sheltered car park because by the time we arrived there, it was only drizzling.

I was telling hubby that we could only go for our 2nd honeymoon during our 10th Annivesary that is when our 4th child is already 2 years old and hopefully he/she has weaned of from breastfeeding.

Would love if we could afford to join the New York City Sightseeing. Cruising on the top deck of the double decker bus, admiring the high rise buildings in New York City and visit places of attraction in NYC especially their museums. If it is God’s will, one day we will do just that because there will be many more anniversaries to come.

Am not referring to Benjamin Button but to Alfie the boy who became a father at the age of 13 after his first night with a 15 years old girl. The surprising thing is after the girl gave birth, 2 more boys came claiming that they are the father to the child. It seems that they are going to run paternity test to confirm who is the biological father. Normally, young boys won’t take such responsibility.

I got the feeling that today is a special day but it did not strike my mind what is so special about today until I told hubby that next Monday is a public holiday; Prophet Muhammad’s birthday. You know, birthday = special occasion.

Then…”Oh ya! Today is 1st of March, our marriage registration anniversary. We are legally married for 8 years already!”

No wonder I wanted to go out dating with hubby today. I requested to have Satay Celup dinner with him which we did not go because it was raining. My sub-conscious mind some how know that today is a special day.